Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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