I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
