I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Farmville is her only friend.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
two words: eviction party
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
