Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
