I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
