her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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