I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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