We won't sleep together?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
