areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i think my cat just said my name.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
