i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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