$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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