He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize