mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
