Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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