Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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