Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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