dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
