either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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