I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
