You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
