he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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