I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
