That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
