her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
sex in a hospital.. check
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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