He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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