i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
