my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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