Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Randomize
