i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
