Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
