my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
