OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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