My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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