I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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