girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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