Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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