dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
