i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
