How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
