my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
