The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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