I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
