if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
