sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
