My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
