Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize