Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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