If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize