I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
