i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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