Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
