If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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