You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
