Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
