happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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