Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
