I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
