You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
