you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
