So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
