i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
