mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
