I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Fuck appropriateness.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
