literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
