if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
