did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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