dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
