are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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