Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
