He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
