So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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