She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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