Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
