Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is Oprah even human
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
