Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
