i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize