Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
