I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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