And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize