I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
3pm strippers are depressing
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
