Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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