Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
