tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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