: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
