Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
