I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize