I love black thongs
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
