My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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