I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
as a side note pls kill me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
