maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
