either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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