So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
